So is it enough to identify the lies that your fear is tell you, or do you need to find the root cause, the very beginning of that fear in order to “unpack” it all?
I smiled with recognition as this brought to mind so many exchanges of ‘what would you like for dinner (or to do, or where to go etc.) where my standard response would be the unhelpful ‘whatever you want’. I guess it’s knowing the difference between truly being open and unaffected by others’ choices and the moments where you do in fact have an opinion or desire that matters to you and be willing to express it.
Your small story is indeed a good example of the everyday ways we suppress our own desires out of fear/anxiety and wanting to please. This is me for sure. So starting by working on feeling ok with boundaries in the small ways can prepare us to be mindful of it in the broader sense in our relationships.
Thank you Erik.
What i need to know is… my eleven year old daughter has anxiety that has got worse from 5 to now.
She got bullied at school.. now refuses to go in the class. The councilors have got her on meds..
im not happy bout these meds playing with her brain.. but she looked like she was going to have a nervous break down…
how do you teach a child to manage or get rid of this crap..
or is it due to an allergy?
Maude – thanks for your note. I understand and respect your concern about the impact of long-term medication on your daughter. This is a longer answer than makes sense to put here – please feel free to hit me at my email – erik.kieser@yahoo.com – for a more in-depth discussion.
A brief answer is no, I don’t think this is anything like an allergy – and the question would be allergy to what? You’re describing from your brief note pretty serious anxiety, and that can certainly start in someone as young as 5 years old. Left unchecked it can grow – no question about that. The million dollar question is – what thinking has she developed into a habit that is driving this anxiety? What did she take away from the bullying, what is is she maintaining (without any conscious intention, obviously) that is making her anxious?
I have been battling with anxiety since 2004 and at times it is controllable and at times its almost out of control. I am under medication..Mirtaz but I want to stop taking this drugs and get over with this anxiety. I have some major experiences…a bad marriage that ends with divorce and death of my two parents. It is at that time that I started to experience anxiety and got a full blown repeated episodes of panic attacks in 2004 November. From that time, I get mild panic attacks and I feel its time I dealt with this anxiety and live an anxiety free life. Please help me. Thanks
Karen – I’m going to shoot you an email so I can respond more fully, but a couple of things right now:
1) You CAN deal with this anxiety and live a life where anxiety is just one more emotion – a servant and an ally, not an enemy.
2) Glad you’re with us here on the blog!
you can’t believe how happy i am to find this site, anxiety and panic attacks and fear have been ruling my life for the last two years, after reading everything i could on your site, the weight that has lifted off my shoulders is unbelieveable what i was able to achieve in a matter of hours how much better and not alone and confident i felt. For the first time after doctors, therapists & self help books etc finally someone, something that made sense that i could relate to even if it was frightening. My problems haven’t gone YET but if feel stronger.
Like I just said in a response this morning to another blog comment, isn’t it remarkable what a little good information can do? Brilliant to hear that you’re feeling relief from this writing/discussion here at the blog. It also is good to hear that you don’t see this as magic – that your problems didn’t just melt away in the wind – but that you’re seeing things much more clearly, and you have hope that you can knock this stuff out. You are stronger than you know Evelyn! Anxiety and fear can be so debilitating, can talk us into thinking that we’re NOT strong, that we CAN’T overcome these challenges…
But the great news is we can, and it isn’t too much for us to handle. Glad you’re with us here at Fear Mastery. Please keep us posted about what’s working for you, where you’re feeling stuck or bogged down, any encouragement you’d like to give other people – all of it is helpful. And of course feel free to hit me at the email address here at the blog if you’d like to have further discussions around the material here at the blog.
Thank you so much Erik, I have responded to your email and have read the posts you mentioned here but it is so hard at times to use that knowledge in situations of anxiety and panic, it’s a hard battle especially when you are fighting agoraphobia and depersonalisation from time to time. Does anyone here also suffer from that, I would love to hear your opinions, all the best to you all and I wish you the same that I wish for myself, a healthy normal life again with inner peace and belief in self
your not alone i had a full blown attack and agoraphobia i couldnt leave my house for months it was so bad i was in the ER everyday thinking i was losing it, so scared panicking myself into a bigger outrageous attack, not knowing who i was anymore and felt like i couldnt be the mother to my child i wanted to be, its very crippling, but dont stay there that long there is hope, you can stand up and walk out that door andd smile, the mind over the matter is a very strong thing. i didnt use medicine or anything, i dont drink and i dont smoke, i watch what i eat and no caffeine products. its not healthy anyways lol. do your best to remember the great things about life, none of the negatives and breath daily you owe it to your selves. there is a better tommorow and you have to be strong even through the crippiling lies anxiety tells your mind, overcoming it is in your power.
Sandra – thanks for this encouraging note to Neshelina. I love that you used the phrase “overcoming it is in your power.” That’s exactly right. There is a better tomorrow, and it starts with us unpacking the thinking that makes us afraid today. Really appreciate what you said here.
Hi Erik, i read in a response you wrote to someone else’s post that you could briefly explain the skills involved to use the triad technique? i would HUGELY appreciate it if you could do the same for me? I would love to try this as i’m desperate to find some relief. I will try anything. Thank you.
Naomi – thanks for your note! I have done what you’ve asked now several times for several people. Let me ask for your patience as I work through the next series of blog posts, which will do exactly what you’ve asked. I will also forward to you one of the answers that I think can at least get you started. I’m sorry for your sense of desperation – I know how life-sucking this stuff can be. Please, be as patient with yourself as you can – however awful this feels you can survive this and get rid of that sense of desperation.
I am so glad I found this blog! I first got anxiety after I had my daughter close to 2 years ago. I was put on lexapro and I took that for about a year and it helped a lot! I decided to take myself off of it though due to side effects. I was okay for about 6 months and now it’s all been coming back even worse than before! I have a lump in my throat and I’ve noticed my breathing even feels off sometimes. I always worry that it may be a serious health problem but deep down I know it’s anxiety! I am very OCD and I know that’s also a problem. I am scared to go in public and ESP crowds of people. I start to panick and think of all the bad things. I don’t know how to get rid of it! It makes me want to do nothing but sleep! I need help with this!
You are dealing with classic anxiety. (Which, btw, also explains your OCD.) Very common fears that you list here. And of course you want to do nothing but sleep – you feel very crowded by your anxiety, you can’t figure out what to do, so you just want to get away from it. Makes perfect sense.
You can get free of your anxiety. Let me strongly encourage you to read through the blog, especially from the start of October of 2011 through right now. In addition I will send you an email to make some more recommendations (I have a template I send out by email.) Also available for coaching if that’s useful to you!
You’re not doomed to keep suffering this. You are much smarter and stronger than your anxiety.
16 comments
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April 25, 2010 at 11:58 pm
The Get Inspired! Project » Blog Archive » Day 133: Erik Kieser
[...] For more information about Erik Kieser: http://www.erikcomm.com, fearmastery.wordpress.com [...]
July 28, 2010 at 12:23 am
Susie
So is it enough to identify the lies that your fear is tell you, or do you need to find the root cause, the very beginning of that fear in order to “unpack” it all?
December 24, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Beth
I smiled with recognition as this brought to mind so many exchanges of ‘what would you like for dinner (or to do, or where to go etc.) where my standard response would be the unhelpful ‘whatever you want’. I guess it’s knowing the difference between truly being open and unaffected by others’ choices and the moments where you do in fact have an opinion or desire that matters to you and be willing to express it.
Your small story is indeed a good example of the everyday ways we suppress our own desires out of fear/anxiety and wanting to please. This is me for sure. So starting by working on feeling ok with boundaries in the small ways can prepare us to be mindful of it in the broader sense in our relationships.
Thank you Erik.
November 9, 2011 at 5:13 am
Maude Stephens
What i need to know is… my eleven year old daughter has anxiety that has got worse from 5 to now.
She got bullied at school.. now refuses to go in the class. The councilors have got her on meds..
im not happy bout these meds playing with her brain.. but she looked like she was going to have a nervous break down…
how do you teach a child to manage or get rid of this crap..
or is it due to an allergy?
November 10, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Erik Kieser
Maude – thanks for your note. I understand and respect your concern about the impact of long-term medication on your daughter. This is a longer answer than makes sense to put here – please feel free to hit me at my email – erik.kieser@yahoo.com – for a more in-depth discussion.
A brief answer is no, I don’t think this is anything like an allergy – and the question would be allergy to what? You’re describing from your brief note pretty serious anxiety, and that can certainly start in someone as young as 5 years old. Left unchecked it can grow – no question about that. The million dollar question is – what thinking has she developed into a habit that is driving this anxiety? What did she take away from the bullying, what is is she maintaining (without any conscious intention, obviously) that is making her anxious?
Please, hit me and let’s talk more about this.
December 5, 2011 at 6:58 am
Karen
I have been battling with anxiety since 2004 and at times it is controllable and at times its almost out of control. I am under medication..Mirtaz but I want to stop taking this drugs and get over with this anxiety. I have some major experiences…a bad marriage that ends with divorce and death of my two parents. It is at that time that I started to experience anxiety and got a full blown repeated episodes of panic attacks in 2004 November. From that time, I get mild panic attacks and I feel its time I dealt with this anxiety and live an anxiety free life. Please help me. Thanks
December 5, 2011 at 6:52 pm
Erik Kieser
Karen – I’m going to shoot you an email so I can respond more fully, but a couple of things right now:
1) You CAN deal with this anxiety and live a life where anxiety is just one more emotion – a servant and an ally, not an enemy.
2) Glad you’re with us here on the blog!
Erik Kieser
January 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Evelyn O'Riordan
you can’t believe how happy i am to find this site, anxiety and panic attacks and fear have been ruling my life for the last two years, after reading everything i could on your site, the weight that has lifted off my shoulders is unbelieveable what i was able to achieve in a matter of hours how much better and not alone and confident i felt. For the first time after doctors, therapists & self help books etc finally someone, something that made sense that i could relate to even if it was frightening. My problems haven’t gone YET but if feel stronger.
Thank you. x
Evelyn
January 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm
Erik Kieser
Like I just said in a response this morning to another blog comment, isn’t it remarkable what a little good information can do? Brilliant to hear that you’re feeling relief from this writing/discussion here at the blog. It also is good to hear that you don’t see this as magic – that your problems didn’t just melt away in the wind – but that you’re seeing things much more clearly, and you have hope that you can knock this stuff out. You are stronger than you know Evelyn! Anxiety and fear can be so debilitating, can talk us into thinking that we’re NOT strong, that we CAN’T overcome these challenges…
But the great news is we can, and it isn’t too much for us to handle. Glad you’re with us here at Fear Mastery. Please keep us posted about what’s working for you, where you’re feeling stuck or bogged down, any encouragement you’d like to give other people – all of it is helpful. And of course feel free to hit me at the email address here at the blog if you’d like to have further discussions around the material here at the blog.
January 19, 2012 at 7:05 pm
Neshelina
Thank you so much Erik, I have responded to your email and have read the posts you mentioned here but it is so hard at times to use that knowledge in situations of anxiety and panic, it’s a hard battle especially when you are fighting agoraphobia and depersonalisation from time to time. Does anyone here also suffer from that, I would love to hear your opinions, all the best to you all and I wish you the same that I wish for myself, a healthy normal life again with inner peace and belief in self
February 25, 2012 at 7:06 pm
sandra
neshelina,
your not alone i had a full blown attack and agoraphobia i couldnt leave my house for months it was so bad i was in the ER everyday thinking i was losing it, so scared panicking myself into a bigger outrageous attack, not knowing who i was anymore and felt like i couldnt be the mother to my child i wanted to be, its very crippling, but dont stay there that long there is hope, you can stand up and walk out that door andd smile, the mind over the matter is a very strong thing. i didnt use medicine or anything, i dont drink and i dont smoke, i watch what i eat and no caffeine products. its not healthy anyways lol. do your best to remember the great things about life, none of the negatives and breath daily you owe it to your selves. there is a better tommorow and you have to be strong even through the crippiling lies anxiety tells your mind, overcoming it is in your power.
-sandra
February 28, 2012 at 8:57 am
Erik Kieser
Sandra – thanks for this encouraging note to Neshelina. I love that you used the phrase “overcoming it is in your power.” That’s exactly right. There is a better tomorrow, and it starts with us unpacking the thinking that makes us afraid today. Really appreciate what you said here.
February 27, 2012 at 8:09 am
naomi
Hi Erik, i read in a response you wrote to someone else’s post that you could briefly explain the skills involved to use the triad technique? i would HUGELY appreciate it if you could do the same for me? I would love to try this as i’m desperate to find some relief. I will try anything. Thank you.
February 28, 2012 at 8:55 am
Erik Kieser
Naomi – thanks for your note! I have done what you’ve asked now several times for several people. Let me ask for your patience as I work through the next series of blog posts, which will do exactly what you’ve asked. I will also forward to you one of the answers that I think can at least get you started. I’m sorry for your sense of desperation – I know how life-sucking this stuff can be. Please, be as patient with yourself as you can – however awful this feels you can survive this and get rid of that sense of desperation.
May 29, 2012 at 8:15 am
Amanda
I am so glad I found this blog! I first got anxiety after I had my daughter close to 2 years ago. I was put on lexapro and I took that for about a year and it helped a lot! I decided to take myself off of it though due to side effects. I was okay for about 6 months and now it’s all been coming back even worse than before! I have a lump in my throat and I’ve noticed my breathing even feels off sometimes. I always worry that it may be a serious health problem but deep down I know it’s anxiety! I am very OCD and I know that’s also a problem. I am scared to go in public and ESP crowds of people. I start to panick and think of all the bad things. I don’t know how to get rid of it! It makes me want to do nothing but sleep! I need help with this!
May 29, 2012 at 8:41 am
Erik Kieser
Amanda:
Glad you found us here.
And thanks for your note.
You are dealing with classic anxiety. (Which, btw, also explains your OCD.) Very common fears that you list here. And of course you want to do nothing but sleep – you feel very crowded by your anxiety, you can’t figure out what to do, so you just want to get away from it. Makes perfect sense.
You can get free of your anxiety. Let me strongly encourage you to read through the blog, especially from the start of October of 2011 through right now. In addition I will send you an email to make some more recommendations (I have a template I send out by email.) Also available for coaching if that’s useful to you!
You’re not doomed to keep suffering this. You are much smarter and stronger than your anxiety.
Erik