I have a number of conversations in the last week or so around self-care – the work we have to do (regardless of our training or belief that everyone else comes before us) if we’re going to live healthy and unfearful lives. Today’s video is some of my thinking around this subject.
Please let me know what you think, and your own thoughts about self-care!
Advertisement
2 comments
Comments feed for this article
January 18, 2012 at 12:12 am
Natalie
Well, it’s very interesting what you say, and you’re right–it’s in many belief systems. For instance, in the Bible it does say something like, “Love your neighbor as yourself” and it goes on to say loving your neighbor is the only commandment (NT of course), sounding like what you’re saying “You come first, in order to care for others” It’s always been difficult to understand why I should love myself in order to love others more. I was raised with a self-sacrificing mother to my impetuous, impulsive father. So, while my mom was telling us how we should be less selfish and care for others instead of ourselves, my dad was moving us where he wanted to live ["grass is greener on other side" idea of life] and buying junk cars, boats, and airplanes because they were “good deals” when we could have had a nicer home to live in, fun vacations, etc. It wasn’t always bad, of course, and we all do love traveling–it’s in our blood, I suppose.
Before I heard your video, I thought I was going to hear all about how we can care for ourselves LOL… (i.e. hot baths–which incidentally I don’t have time for nor care to have at moment LOL), and I would like to hear more examples of how we care for ourselves….for instance, right now, my big “enjoyment” at the end of the day is to eat cheap chocolate and watch old English sitcoms. However, I go to bed feeling restless (probably the chocolate) and not that happy–knowing I’ve got 55 pounds to lose and junk at night isn’t helping!
I know it’s a stage at the moment—can’t go for walks, gets dark too early and we live on a dangerous road….can’t exercise too much (just had a baby 6 weeks ago and have to be careful because of prior health issues)…..and during the day, I’m so busy that if I spend the slightest (i.e. 30 mins) time for myself—meaning checking emails, chatting to my mom on phone, and Internet researching for a new place to live—then the whole household begins falling apart (i.e. dishes are piled up as I type, 3 baskets of laundry to fold, dog going crazy at window because neighbor is coming home, etc.). And, if I let it go for a day or two…well, that’s when we get the telephone call that someone wants to come and look at our house the next day—and you can imagine the scrambling, scrabbling, and scrubbing that begins!!
So, at the moment….I like to reward myself in the evening when kids are in bed, and hence the chocolate and old English sitcoms (at moment, enjoying “Good Neighbors” 1975 LOL). So, self-care—–how do I begin (because I really don’t think chocolate is “caring” LOL)? Maybe the telephone calls to my mom are part of it???except that they aren’t always “healthy” calls (depending on mom’s mood)…and they’re not too productive since they hold up my time away from housework and kids LOL (plus hubby doesn’t like me chatting on the phone after he gets home from work—we don’t get that much time together, so that’s his & kids’ time, too).
Whew—hope it didn’t put you to sleep! Take care, and have a good night
January 18, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Erik Kieser
Natalie – thanks for your note here. First off let me say that it is brilliant that you’ve pulled apart your situation so lucidly. You’re right, of course – the situation you’re in isn’t forever, and you will see changes to that situation sooner rather than later. And I’m very glad you’re not trashing yourself for eating chocolates and watching English sitcoms – really, how bad can that be?
Sure beats a lot of other ways to medicate that we can choose in our need to escape our worries and fears…
You asked about care. Care can take many forms. I think it starts with giving yourself the basics to be as healthy as you can be in whatever present circumstances you’re in. Maybe for you that means chocolate, but smaller doses – and the same for English sitcoms.
Keep them up – just make them a little less intense in amount. Maybe it means a handful of carrots or an apple as well as the chocolate. Maybe it means 5 minutes of venting with a friend, and that friend both listening and reflecting what they are hearing – not offering commentary, not offering advice, but just listening. Maybe it means 15 minutes of music that relaxes you or makes you smile when you’re feeling crazed. Maybe it is letting some household tasks slide a day or two while you do more self-time – a walk, even when it’s cold, or maybe a visit to Starbuck’s for warmth and a hot beverage.
Self-care might be defined as anything that cares for our health, physical, mental and emotional. Trade shoulder-rubs with that husband of yours. Do 5 minutes of stretching before you go to bed. Bake some cookies. It is amazing how these small things can help pull us back into the present and away from our fears.
Self-care isn’t the the magic fix for anxiety. But it is the absolute essential for us to beat anxiety and fear in combination with the work of confronting our fears, unpacking them back into problems, and not letting Flight or Fight drive us away from the work in the first place.
Hit me by email if you want to brainstorm more specifics for your situation in regards to self-care!